moving back in with my mother by eve naden
A jaw bolted shut. You never have the right key to make her confide in you now that she’s older and more afraid of the things you used to be afraid of when you were younger. You fumble with the lock. Her teeth chatter. Eventually, you pry open the door of her mouth and step inside. The carpet bears the stains of an unfinished conversation.
“You’re late,” she says. You pause. You’re late means, ‘I’m glad you’re here’ just like ‘I love you’ means ‘I’m sorry I didn’t love you more as a child.’ You waste hours translating her. You waste even more wondering when you stopped speaking the same language. The grey of the carpet shouldn’t unnerve you. You run your fingers through it—that stringy, straw-like scalp. It shouldn’t unease you the way it does, these signs of aging. The creases of her when you settle to watch TV, her pillowy skin like clumps of moss. You pick at her battered upholstery. Hold flesh between your fingers. You wish she’d re-paint. You wish she’d dye the carpets thick brown or pepper red instead of wearing ketchup stains from last night’s chippy. You resent her for growing old.
Her arms part like curtains. The fabric of her is stiff, rough, cracked elbows from years working in rich people’s gardens. Her countertops chipped from nights sewing badges onto your school blazers. She sings the old songs she used to hate. She speaks through the radio, voice tripping the lights, the shower, your laptop charger.
“You’ll set the house on fire,” you say.
“What’s for dinner?” she asks.
You climb her spine to the upstairs bathroom. Her sciatica creaks and shifts. She’s watching TV alone while you bathe in the crook of her neck. She laughs. From up here, she sounds like a child.
Born in France, Yvette (Eve) Naden is an English graduate from the University of York. She now resides in the UK where she works as a government stooge. Her work has featured in The Roadrunner Review, The Elmbridge Literary Magazine and, in 2021, she won the Zealous Short Story Competition. In 2023, she released her first full poetry collection, ‘In the garden of Eden after a heatwave’ which is now available from Erbacce Press. One day, she hopes to become a published novelist. When she isn't writing, she can be found hoarding overdue library books.
